Fashion Do’s and Don’ts are about as subjective as it gets, yet Glamour magazine devotes a whole page and occasionally a whole supplement to criminal sartorial activities. But they always leave me thinking “Why not wear shiny, dayglo undies over polka dot tights, platform cowboy boots and a feather boa?” Isn’t to wear what floats your boat the nature of fashion, or more importantly, style? If style is the expression of self then the aforementioned outfit is completely appropriate if it does in fact, convey how the wearer is feeling.
High fashion favors the skinny. But why it’s okay to flout the showing-too-much- flesh “rules” because you are very thin tells me conventional fashion “don’ts” are more often crimes of body than crimes of fashion. Just take a look at fashiondont’s.com and you get the idea the outfits criminalized are because of the shape of the wearer more than the clothing itself. “They” say you can’t show your legs and your decolletage at the same time, except if you are a transvestite, Lady Gaga or a model (Heidi Klum I am looking at you).
Finding a space you can inhibit sartorially, satisfying both ones expression of self and simultaneously pleasing a crowd is a Catch 22. So, fuck it I say, wear whatever the hell you want, whatever your size (even if it is pajama jeans) (but please don’t wear pajama jeans).
In the spirit of saying “fuck it” here are my two favorite things that border on getting your eyes blacked out in the back of Glamour mag.
Granny Panties and Sheer.
Before I hit an age where visible underwear is a sign of senility, I wore many incarnations of the granny panty (or Feature Underwear as I like to call it) under things you can slightly see through (slips, crochet, vintage dresses- it was the 90s). One was an amazing pair of 1950’s swim bottoms with marigolds on a black background. It was also New York City where I could have worn them on my head without distracting anyone.
As a young woman I was Inspired by everything Dolce & Gabbana and Madonnas current incarnation on the “Truth or Dare” tour…
…and I was biiiig into Feature Underwear (Grunge was also big so it was a confusing time for us youth). I had some appropriated granny panties that I wore til there was no more wearing. Something along the lines of this except less see-through in the pubic area:
Gentlemen callers were inherently confused and repelled by them, this being the age of the advent of the thong. But I felt like Sophia Fucking Loren.
Cut to 2012 and the dress above (which I own, BTW). My nerve (and my ass) is a little less firm than it once was so I wore a slip underneath. Feature Underwear was probably not appropriate for a wedding. Second thought, it was in Jersey. The concept, however, of visible, sturdy underwear, I still champion. Kristen Stewart’s nude version earlier this month is the loudest clap I have ever given her.
Undies-as-Statement piece will inevitably land you on someone’s Worst Dressed list, but this is the “Fuck It” list, so all systems go!
This is where I would go to grow my collection of “Feature Underwear” if your interest is piqued.
Next up: Socks and High Heels!
Not hyper-girly, frilly Harajuku socks and sandals (unless you really are a Harajuku girl and then it’s old hat to you and socks and high heels are probably what you wear to the gym).
If you do this already you are probably a little bit of a risk taker, but if you don’t it’s a nice, safe, introductory, lower body way to say “I don’t fucking care what you think of what I am wearing.”
(Also paired with sheer and big knickers. See!).
(Note to self: I need some cute socks. End note)
I could continue this list with sequins, feathers, falling apart vintage, evening wear for daytime, high heels at the pool, the list is endless. But my attention span is being tested here, so I am sure yours is too.
So, those are my two fave head scratchers, but what’s in your list of things you would go to “Fashion Jail” for? Do tell!