Five Dating Tips for Women (And Men) From a Female Bartender Part III

We’ve made it to our third date! What happens on the third date?
We talk about sex.

I am preempting this entire post by saying that I believe you should have sex on whatever date you feel like it. If it’s the first, the fifth, the wedding day or never, that’s your prerogative. Neither I, nor society, your Mom, your church, your doctor (OK, possibly your doctor) or Nana should dictate when you are ready to do the deed with someone.

Sexual compatibility goes further than any actual act. It’s about your personal politics and your beliefs about sex in a society with highly polarized views on the subject. When and how you “put out” is as personal as your vote.

But nothing pisses me off more than the construction that if you put out too early, too late, too often etc. you’ll never get married. Bullshit. Sexual propriety applies to men as well as women, but usually in an unfair inversion. Men are socialized to want it, women to withhold. Your safety should always be a huge consideration but I know PLENTY of couples who got nekked on their first date. Hey, if you have sexual chemistry with someone, you shouldn’t be judged for exploring it.


If you go into every date wondering “Is this the One?” you’ll end up a parody of the “perfect” person you think he/she expects. Suddenly dressing, speaking or acting differently for anyone else is a recipe for disaster. Why shouldn’t this apply to your attitude toward sex too? If you have a freak flag, fly it! You won’t be happy unless you do.

I don’t care what all those lady-dating-advice/Twilight books say, there is no definitive “right” time for you to have sex other than when you want to. What’s right for you may not be right for me. To me, playing “hard-to-get” would make me feel manipulative and juvenile. Also I am concerned it creates a space for “the chase” and not much more. Find me one person who had lasting luck with “The Rules” and I’ll eat this page.



Just make sure that whoever you end up in the sack with (short-term or long-term) has similar ideas about sex. Think about it this way, what happens if the object of your affection has wildly different notions of sexual appropriateness? It sounds like a recipe for an awkward bed.

And always remember this Gentle Readers, there’s no point using gallons of antibacterial gel on your hands, phone, toilet seat, dining utensils etc if you have unprotected sex. You might as well lick a handrail on the New York City subway.

Read Parts I and II here!

Photo Credits:

Blow-Up Doll
Compact Disc


2 thoughts on “Five Dating Tips for Women (And Men) From a Female Bartender Part III

  1. Just discovered your blog and already liking it. I have to agree with you as to the “timing”. Everyone should just do it when they are ready, and not because they want to prove a point.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s